New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
