don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
