U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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