I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
