i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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