Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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