Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You need Xanax blowdarts
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
