Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
one two three fourrrrnication!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
