I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
