This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
