She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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