Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize