This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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