She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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