Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
