you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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