do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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