this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
