saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
