Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
being pregnant is like rehab
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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