3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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