I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
