seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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