Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
