bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
