I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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