im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
