I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No subtext here. People are naked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize