Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
