What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
only you would photoshop your dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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