well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
