I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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