If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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