Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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