okay pat passed out under dana's car
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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