How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
