shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
