I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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