I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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