really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
