I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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