Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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