I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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