I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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