I think I won the penis lottery.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
