Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
