last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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