ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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