I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
