I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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