There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
