I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
