the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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