How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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