all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
