if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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