Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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