Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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