if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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