Im at strip club and am horny
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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