oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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