So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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