how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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