Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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