I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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