my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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