i would punch a child for taco bell
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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